Fossilized memories

Seven days ago i seen the reality of life.I'm glad i did,jus wen i was abt to sit n analyse hw important it is to conform to the norms of this world,in order to live a suitable life!I wonder if i wd hv realised it all by merely skimming thru the ochre pages of a well written novel,perhaps a best seller or jus flicking the remote button to hear wise nuthings to mk sense of yr self.

I turned 23 abt 23 days ago{well i startd writin dis pc a day b4:)},n i tot i hit it like big time...ppl,moments,gifts,yrs all amalgamated into one cloud of hope dat stayed wid me fer dat day..."woohoo" i screamt in my lil head,not empty i assure u,"im an old lady."hehehe...or was i still waitin fer another bday wisher to tell me otherwise?with the years come the eternal reminders of blissful youth in a not so appealin manner frm yr mother who subtly slips the fact of marriage...it got me thinkin-wat do i need to assure tht my ageing or eternal youthful assurance stays perfectly normal with my thinkin n insecurities?Yes,this is one truth i NEVER share.i'm mortally afraid of wrinkles n crows feet,for dat matter even spectacles...n the last thg u need is yr maternal n paternal aunts whackin the marriage crap into u to mk u understd dat old age(n my undisclosed fear) wd be really bearable wid a companion...

Sunday morning,the early sun shone its way into the living room of the octogenarian Effie Carvalho.Vacuous eyes told a tale of strength and hope and of a lady, who breathed french into everythg she dvelved in.Sitting like in a state of rigour motur,I watched those same eyes that looked at me lk a stranger.I knew of Effie's condition even wen i was tutored by her.But a good teacherr aint worth cheatin,the loss is always yrs...I sat there introducing myself to her as if for the first time.In response i got the vapid look...the maid looked at me as if i was wasting my tim...she was employed full time for the old lady,tho aunt edna,who took me bk home to effie,was happy to play dumb wid me...Her son,one of the twins,was down frm abroad performin the sunday ritual of cleaning the house.He walked past by several times,making me feel comfortable n one wid the furniture,besides his mother who stared aimlessly at the television set displayin a non-descript hindi movie.Nevertheless,i went on wid the usual jabber of my life n then onto the tuition days where i reminded her of her late beloved pulling her legs durin classes...
The carvalhos were a content family of 2 girls,the twin brothers and a diabetic father,now no more.Baylon carvalho always said,"My wife shall forget my name,my daily doses n probbly her name too,but she can never,damn it! forget tht french of hers."This was the constant cribbing of her husband during the french tutions i used to take from her.
The lady who made sure i din forget a word,today was sitting before me not gettin get a word of what i was sayin.an awkward silent moment passed by not until an aged voice in the room spoke..."are you dominic's grandchild?my cousin delphine's grand-daughter?"barring my frozen shock,wre the frozen figurees of the rest present in the room.All that moved were was her carcked lips while her son,sis-in-law n maid looked at nana teary-eyed.It was effie's first recollection.i suppose in years since i left 5yrs ago.apparently,she din remmbr nethg nt even her own.As i left the place,promisin to return bk,thnkful eyes greeted my way out hopin dat i wd keep up to it,moreso fer themselves...
did effie knw dat her son was der jus to see his mother remmbr him fer one las time before she closed her eyes?dat he gv up his time to be wid her?dat her loved ones still cared for her to live on as long as she cd, the way she cd.n all dat effie remmbered was her beloved n,ofcourse French....

I walked bk home.thinkin abt all dat happ.no,i wasnt considerin spendin the rest of my life as a wise decision of my bday naggin...but,yes the wrinkles wd be worth adorning for that one 'beloved'........And 23 will do jus fine...

“AMBI” VALLEY

We search all our lives for that one piece of hope/love/moment. Basically, all our lives we run, run, and run; hoping to find that reason why we are here? Like my friend tanvi’s nick goes- searching for my piece of sky.. Nice TannyJ probably the key word out here is ‘contentment’ and when we find it we know we are at peace, at home. And our parents have always told us to follow our hearts..Yes mom. Yes dad. We are happy till we start off the rat race. And man, as much as we hate it we want to run that blood sucking, soul wrenching, cut-throat, shallow race. Well did we choose to race? (thinking) did we have a choice? Hmm, tricky one.. “No” is my answer. Its like relay. Our parents raced and now the baton is passed on to us. They rest and tell us what to anticipate in the race. They tell us we will be rewarded as long as we can race. We have no bloody clue but we know we got to race. We race. We tire. We are unhappy. But there, we see our loved ones cheering us with praises and bragging our tales..Some of us think “Now I cant leave the race, I’ve got to keep up.” Others think, “I have ran enough, I need a break.” Another set of us scream, “Hmm…this aint enough..me wanna run more.” For those who quit the race, we call them “Losers”. Those who continue racing, we call them “Ambitious”. There are a whole lot of adages given to us participants, but these two categories are my favourites.
HYPPOCRITES!!! Fucking hypocrites we all are. We hate the race. We have been there. We know the truth. How does one draw the line between contentment and defeat? Is it so that the point of contentment when reached defines the point of non-ambitiousness? Who draws the line for anybody? Why has ambition or “the race” being overrated by us, who already know the farce of it? Does that mean those who choose a life other than the rat race are leading a pointless life?
And you know what? Ambi valley will still be there. Losers. Winners. Complacents. All are awaited to be a part of it. And well, they DO have a choice. So SHUT UP and RACE or just SHUT UP.

Drain away, laugh away…away from here, away from me

A ray of sunlight seen from the waters beneath
That’s my wish to see me again
Deep down, I lie, lie so still,
All I can hear the winds from afar
Wait don’t go, take me with you
Let me live my life for me
Myself no more, will I be
Without you, I know no other me
Each day I mask my face
My mind steals a glance
Of the person I once was
And in pain I shrug my shoulders
I laugh away my thoughts
Maybe in vain I’m wandering
A hopeless future daunting
I smell the stale cold cup of tea
Like every morning,
Today too, I pour it down the sink
Wish I could empty
All the sea of fear
Just like that….
Just like the way
A broken barrel of beer drains away
Efforts to stop all gone to nothing
Still I walk up the stairs
Holding onto myself, my light
As the door keys turn
I’m a prisoner to you, a prisoner of yore