Till then

I hope you find a season, forever to cherish.
I hope you find a hand to hold when all alone.
I hope you find a smile to make your day.
I hope you find a dream to show you the way.
I hope you find beauty, I hope you find passion.
I hope you find a moment, forever to love.
I hope you find shade, when all tires you out.
I hope you find you, and all that you're about.
I hope you sail the years, with all the world's peace.
I hope for you cause that's all I get to feel.
An endless hope like the ocean's abyss.
I keep longing once more for your caress.
Till then will this charm always be?
Will You still be you and I be me?
In your wait a silent prayer I say,
To keep the faith that blind men see,
Till then, I'll be waiting at the door for you to find me.

Till We Meet Again...

Today I have to live
Today I have to see
Today I know my heart
Today I ask for tomorrow
Today I look back on yesterday
I kept dreaming about today, today
And then a soft voice whispered
It's today, where're you lost.

Can you find those strange butterflies? I feel them no more. They were a part of my yesterday. I think, I felt nice and young. Today, I wonder, I know not anymore what I feel. Or probably, I'm too busy to feel.
I see myself through spinning glass doors, wishing through those hallways, I reached your room. I smelt the mahogany handle, no surprises! She was there too! She was always there. Mostly before I was there, and most surely after I left.
I told myself I was dreaming and kept waking each day with a smile only to find her smell linger on my wardrobe.
Months went by and I still kept dreaming of today. A horrid smell of burnt charcoal pervaded the room and I burst into a sweat. Was I still dreaming or am I really wishing her to die? I ran from room to room, wishing my palace were just a room. I screamed your name again and again hoping you would find me, save me. BOOM! The bang of bright fire burst through the doors and I fell off the staircase. The flames began to rise up the curtains while my body lay bruised on the floor. I saw her draggin you with her. Oh! I wish I were burning down myself,my heart and you than seeing that ghost of a nymph drag you away....

Like thunderous hooves the fire flamed, my body begging every breath...There's nothing that can change my last moment, your whispers float in the wind...hmm...at last,I can bereave my dolor...my charred flesh, once like a flower, now languishes along the wooden floor...

You walk through that door, I can feel my smile yearning for your touch...You came back for me, I knew you would, you always did...All of a sudden I felt Like yours. Yes, I am yours once again. Those arms of hope and together were us, for years and years. As i bask in that embrace, you lead me out of my house..Butterflies sing that merry song, the skies have a soft blue...Your face is an angelic picture shining through my black strands...you were crazy about them...I looked up and loved us...To myself, I say, 'We are the last chapter of lives together'..Until..Until...........................................

............................................................................................................................................................

I saw those pearly gates close on us, and I smiled...You were the last memory before I closed my eyes...

Farewell Ebrahim,farewell

Dearest darling Ebrahim,

Why? Why Ebrahim Why ? Couldn't you have waited a little longer. Did the world fall short of space for you? Or were you too incomprehensible for this universe? Maybe the latter.

My heart is still bleeding...it only cries Ebrahim ...searching for you. Come back sweetheart,come back.

You always wanted the world to remember you as 'somebody who not just lived, but showed the real way to live'. Now what does the world have to remember?

The Silence is eating onto me. When they said you died-I called you up, again and again. Wanted to hear you chuckle in that infamous way, saying, "Caught ya." Couldn't this have been one of your pranks? My folks remember you as the prankster. My ma cried like my daughter for you.

What am i supposed to do with all the times we shared Ebrahim? The hours of non-sense chit-chat, your sexcapdes, your girlfriends, your life, your misery?You gave me my first bike ride. You took me out on my first car drive. You gave me my first designer perfume. Not a single birthday of mine have you missed. Now who do I count on to surprise me? We have spent drunk moments on Worli sea face talking of OSHO. Shee!You loved that sick bastard and his fuck all philosophies,but i heard them all for you. I tried and played my part. Or not? How do i even know that,now that yr not here.

When they said you killed yourself,my world stopped. it felt like someone cut off my hands.

I wish you could have seen your mother in her misery-yelling and crying out to Allah to give her her piece of her heart back and she would ask no more- or your sister who kept saying "Bhai, bhai" in her stupor.

What have you left each of us with Ebrahim? We don't want it, we want YOU.

You left your story incomplete pal. Its time for us to pen down the rest.

It takes a lot to choose to be different and you had the courage. You were never a victim of religious banterings,n all friends knew that. You had a heart, only a few knew before knowing you as 'the brat'. You would give a hand and a leg for your mother and sister,they meant the world to you. You always brought a smile onto a wrinkled face, remembered the forgotten people. You cared, my friend, you did. And you did not let anyone know,thats what made you a great guy.

I shall never know the answers to why you hanged yourself. But I do know that I will always miss you. That it will be very hard to make a trip to Pune, when I could not have done it for you. That I forgave you years ago for acting stupid with me.

You're free Ebrahim ,free from all bondage. Sing a song with the angels and tell me which one you liked the most*winks. I'll wait for your call....Farewell

Yours,

Sexy Irene a.k.a Moti

Hallucinating Angel

I'm sittin at my desk-bored,confused,irritated and worst- sad.

To lose a part of you could be the worst feelin ever to experience. Nothing you can do to make it go away-no bantering, no raving, no sleeping,no dreaming.

Tears don tell my tales no more. A shadow of me I have become.

To dream to get what you long for and then long to wake up in reality. Is this a joke?Maybe. Cos everyone seems to be laughing.

I want to laugh again, make me laugh.

Put me to sleep, let me dream.Another dream,please.

Dizzle Dazzle,Hiccups Uninterrupted....

Empty spaces, black faces,
Shadow smiles, wispy images,
Smoke rings, BLANK me.

Faded dreams, staggering footsteps,
Mumble,mumble...talk to me,
Drowning voices, silent screams,
Colours of the world.

A world of my own,
Reality fading to my world,
Losing my balance,
Tipping my glass off,
One more peg-I need it.

I need to see my world,
My colours, my dreams,
I need to get lost,
I need my sweet cauldron of pain.

Groping for hope,
Helping hands to hold me,
Lift my head to see clearly,
No one i see,
But the shadow of me.

Pour me that glass,
Sink in that feeling,
Thru' smothered whispers and
Empty glasses of wine,
I say to myself,
"Ooh baby! I'm doing fine."

Stab that achy breaky HEART

Your first stage appearance-it's the only beat you can hear
Your first crush-you wear it on your sleeve
You’re confused- you follow it
You win-it has a nuclear effect
You lose-it has a whirlpool effect
You run-it eats the life out of you
You sleep-it breathes life into you
In love-it gives you wings
In hurt-it leaves you nowhere…..

Mind: Why ??? why you piece of flesh? Why does my master listen to you always? Don’t you have a place for hell? You do feel everything possible…don’t you feel hurt? To choose you, is to choose hurt.
Heart: Everyone’s different. I’m from a different race. We don’t think and act like the rest. Your master chose me. I did not.

Mind: Why don’t you fuck yourself somewhere? Or probably you did? You a virgin? I’m not. I get mind-fucked everyday. Would you be still be if you were fucked and hurt a zillion times?
They call that stupid, you know…Answer me..you bitch…
Heart : I’m what I am. My stupidity defines hope for many. I still crash and burn…but I’m stronger than you think

Mind: Oh really! Then why don’t you find yourself a different abode…you are screwing me every time, miss fancy
Heart: Mr fickle-minded, why don’t you for once make up your mind. And don’t blame me for your idiosyncrasies…you don’t know what you want…I ALWAYS know what I want.

Mind: Now now now ….who comes up with logic, practicality and sense? Every time I make up my mind, you hustle with me. Have you no heart for your master? For you always bring him feelings of pain and guilt. Because of you, I have to accommodate new entries and memories to an already stashed up house of mine. Where am I supposed to make place for these new memories? Why! you don’t even want to erase the older ones!
Heart: Hey, I would have if my master were a gentleman. But what do I do? I'm born to a lady. She loves to play war with us two.

Mind: So lets play together-fair and square.
Heart: Lets play in circles.

Mind: You are pissing me off! I think I’m going to stab you.
Heart: Honey before that I will kill you with beer and whisky….

PLEASE TAKE ME TO THE CANDY SHOP...

If you were an Arts student (female) or a Life Science’s student (like me) or a part of a fashion editorial team (not like me), you would know the optical satisfaction of just glancing upon some "eye-candy." Yes! All of us ladies out there know the scarcity in our fields (the ones I mentioned above) of such wanted (said in a very slow emphasizing accent), therapeutic men in our organisations.

Year after year, every batch of the Life Science’s Department(read as the female species that included the female profs too), those that passed out and those that graduated to the next class, would always discuss the most coveted topic of boys. We always felt they were less, but on an optimistic note “something better than nothing," while the ladies from the Art’s section always felt we were the luckiest with “sooo manyyy hotttt guyyyyeees”(said a squeaky shrilly voice). And that bought me to wonder- WHO MOVED MY MEAT?

If you are a lovely gentleman reading this exclusive blog piece of mine, you would be enlightened to know this part of us- the breed of not-so-desperate, hard-working, independent, level-headed, and normal women. It’s as simple as a man rather having a swimsuit calendar on his table than a family photo. Oh! The joy of simply feasting your eyes on something that was obviously made for us can’t beat the list of little things that make us smile and get thru the day. We aren’t cradle snatchers, or shameless lechers or a bunch of bored hormones surveying for flesh. We also, and I must add at this point, are very much pleased with our boyfriends, husbands, flings, asexual entities that give us happiness, and last but not the least our families and friends (for singles, like me).

We are also very much surrounded by the latest technology and gadgets, in my case “breaking news”, but I think what we would really appreciate is seeing God’s creation with a dash of attitude, a flash of style and loads of pheromones to get us on that wild imagination. Not that our brains are not constantly on hire. But a lil bit of beauty exercise, I guess, would do wonders for those tired brain cells.

Your non-existence is a topic that finds its way in our lunch time, pantry time and hiring time. You would be amused if you were to see the kind of expressions you got. That is, if you existed in our presence. For instance, the dazed look amidst an important edit meet just while you cross our line of vision, or that smirky smile when you know that potential fish could be your catch(in a hypothetical world we almost always live in) and sometimes that twirling of the hair or the removal of a hair band to set those goldilocks free. Can you imagine you get all of this and don’t even know it? Not that now that you know it, the next time you walk past by us you will notice it. Mind you, it’s an art mastered over the years. Just remember that we are always looking at you or, for the optimistic like me, for you.

Then why aren’t there enough candies? And if there are, then please take me to the candy shop…